Bittersweet Changes

It's been awhile since I last posted. The last 3 months flew by so quickly, I find myself retracing all the memories I forgot to cherish.

First off, the implant surgery was very successful. Two new B/C-sized packets of silicon have happily settled into their new home of my chest. Given this was the 4th surgery on my breasts, I find I've become a bit of an expert, albeit not by choice or gratitude. I went through the standard 2 weeks with drains, 6 weeks of limiting arm range, 8 weeks of constricting bras and itchy tape, and the ups and downs of starting and stopping all the different forms of pain meds. How do I feel about them? Immediately after surgery I would look at them, all bandaged up, and honestly... I just wasn't sure. In my mind I thought I'd walk out of the surgery with boobs like the ones I had picked out in the "binder of boobs" at my doctors office. I was immediately looking for the subtle slopes, the soft lines, the adjustable cleavage and the doughy plumpness of real breasts. Instead I got hard silicon balls that resembled the expanders I had lived with for the past year. The doctor has promised they will soften over time, so I'm still waiting for my doughy breasts. In addition, my skin and chest are so thin, you can make out the ripple lines from the implants. Apparently if I put on a few pounds, it should help to soften that out. Or I can choose to do a fat transfer, which would be an additional surgery on top of the one I already have scheduled to get my nipples created. I'm honestly beginning to think the anesthesia is taking a toll on my mind, so I am very hesitant about adding another surgery to my schedule this year. Perhaps I'll just dive into the pizza... sounds a lot easier and fun! I'm still a bit tender up top, but given all the surgeries I've had this year, I'm assuming that's to be expected.

In the midst of all my health issues, I've been dealing with some changes on the career front. After 5 1/2 years at my company, we underwent a merger resulting in the reduction of positions for myself and many of my colleagues. The crazy thing about life is, you take for granted things you feel are constants in your life such as health and career. Yet these are the gifts we should give thanks for each and every day. We don't have to lose them in order to be grateful for them. So after 5 1/2 years at my company, I find myself starting a new chapter in my life. It's a bittersweet change for me. As with everything in life, when something comes to an end, it's a bit sad. Change is scary, and routine can be very comfortable. But sometimes we need a little push, and I accept that things happen for a reason, and that all the obstacles I've faced over the past year are challenging me to be a better, stronger person. A person who enjoys life, who appreciates the gift of friendship, love, health, self-worth. A person who finally does stop to smell the roses, instead of focusing on how to get more to grow.

Ironically I met a holistic healer a few weeks ago, thanks to my wonderful friend Michelle. This healer read my star chart and shared with me that this year "Uranus Transits Conjunct Ascendant". Apparently this only happens once in a lifetime for people, and this is my year. Here's some of the changes that occur during this time: "You will have a tremendous need for liberation. Whatever you consider to be liberating for you, you will seek to achieve it now. A time that can mean great change for you personally, during which you break away from the past and try new and different ways of presenting yourself. This period of time will be highly energetic and stimulating, as well as quite surprising. You’re ready to break free from restrictions that have prevented you from expressing yourself to other people. During this time, you’ll reclaim your individuality and it will be much more difficult to conform to the expectations of other people."

I can't stop thinking how apropos this all is. It's in the stars, and I'm beginning to see how powerful that is.

So I start my new journey on a fresh slate. I have scheduled a little trip to China and Thailand to see a new part of the world I've always been curious about. I'm meeting up with my sister in Shanghai, and my friend Carla in Bangkok. I can't wait to experience the cultures, the food, and the beauty of a different land. I look forward to sharing more on my travels with you in the coming month. And in the meantime, this chapter is officially over and I'm excited to start writing my next one.