I can't believe today is Thanksgiving. The other night Jon and I were recollecting what we were doing last year at this time. It feels like yesterday, at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago - it's an odd duality. With all my health issues this year, I feel like I'm a completely different person than I was a year ago, that I've changed more than 1 year could possibly change a person. But my mind has also protected me from really remembering the hard times of this past year, the sadness, the shock, the set backs, the pain, the intense fatigue. So at the same time, last Thanksgiving seems like yesterday.
I do remember feeling optimistic last year at this time. My in-laws were in town, and I had already found the lump, gotten a mammogram and ultrasound, and had just finished getting the biopsy. It was this weekend that I was to "wait out" the results of the biopsy. I remember telling my in-laws about the lump, and feeling 99% sure that it was going to be benign. I mean, who thinks they have breast cancer at this age? I was healthy, I exercised, I ate decent enough... I was invincible. I mean, sure I drank on the weekends, worked 24/7, and powered through my days at a stress level of 10. But cancer? No way. I remember telling Jon that he had to come with me to get my results that upcoming Monday, and feeling bad that I had to pull him out of work for the morning.
When I was diagnosed that upcoming Monday, I can still feel my heart drop. I can still see the look in Jon's eyes. I can still remembering how similar to the movies that moment was... where everything gets foggy, time slows down, voices become background noise, and you're so in your head that you can almost hear your brain processing the information. So although last Thanksgiving seems like yesterday, I also feel like I've gone through a lifetime of changes in the past year.
I guess the holidays make us sentimental. They make us reminisce about the past year. And the beautiful thing about Thanksgiving, is that it makes us think about all the good things in our lives, all the things we should be thankful for. I am thankful for so many things... I am thankful for being well enough to enjoy this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the gift of discovering myself this past year, I am thankful for my beautiful short hair, I am thankful for my furry little best friends who have slept by my side this past year, I am thankful for the most supportive husband I could have ever dreamt of, I am thankful for the laughter and support of my friends, I am thankful for the unconditional love of my family, I am thankful for this body which continues to fight on and be the army of my soul.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I am thankful you have followed my journey, and continue to help me heal.
And here's my babies showing some Thanksgiving love to me last night...
