Tomorrow I get my nipples. Just typing that sentence makes me laugh. Like "nipples" are equivalent to a new purse I've been eyeing in the store for months. Perhaps they are equivalent, for they will serve no functional purpose for my body. But in those 2 little body parts that all of us are born with, getting them back symbolizes so much more than I can begin to explain. If you know me, you know I'm the kind of person that finishes a job. I don't like loose ends, I don't condone incompletion. If I commit to something, I take it to the end. And that's what these nipples represent... a "complete me". Back in December of 2012, when I was meeting with Plastic Surgeons, I remember mentally charting out the reconstruction steps I would be taking. The nipples were always at the end, the last surgery of what seemed like a lifetime of steps in my battle against breast cancer. Getting rid of the cancer was always the #1 priority, but I recognized from the start that what I was about to go through would hit me deeper than the cancer itself. As a woman, breasts have always defined femininity to me. Taking them away meant loosing a part of me that defined who I was. So here I am, on the eve of getting back the last part of me that cancer took away.
Over the past few months I've learned so much about life. I travelled to China and Thailand, experiencing cultures, cuisines, languages and lifestyles I knew very little about. In China I walked the streets of Shanghai with my sister, amazed by the endless skyscrapers, the bustling streets and the busy markets. In Thailand my friend Carla and I fed baby tigers, got bucked off an elephant, got $8 daily massages, and relaxed in bright blue waters warmer than any Hawaiian tide I've ever felt. Upon returning home, Jon and I planned a road trip in less than 48 hours and hopped in the car taking us north through Big Sur, Santa Cruz, San Francisco, Trinidad, Willamette Valley and ending in Portland. We were able to see my family in Northern California, and also made a trip to see Jon's family in Indiana where we fished, went to a Pacers game and rode quads. We went to Las Vegas where to my surprise I made some serious money on the "Let It Ride" tables, and ate at some of my favorite celebrity chef's restaurants. I finally got back on the exercise train after over 1 year of not working out, and quickly remembered how restorative exercise is for both the mind and the body. I celebrated my 39th birthday with the best friends I could ever ask for. Just yesterday my friends and I ran a 5k on the sands of Manhattan Beach, toasting our victory over bloody Mary's and a delicious home cooked "British Breakfast". I've finally had the time to meet up with friends, old and new, for lunches and dinners. And I've watched in awe as one of my good friends has transformed into the most amazing Mom of a beautiful baby boy, and another one is due in one short month.
For all of this I am truly happy. So I head into tomorrows surgery with a lot of hope and optimism for what's in store for me next. (Just don't fault me if I have a few weak moments of pity during my recovery!)
More to come post-surgery... meanwhile here's some memories of the last few months.
