Monday starts a new chapter in my life. I'm finally heading back to work after 6 months of focusing on my body and fighting the breast cancer that put my life on hold. To say I'm ready would be a lie. Can anyone say they're ready to go back to "life as it was" after facing such a life changing experience? I see things differently, I react to things differently... I'm a whole different person. My perspective on situations has changed. I like to think I've learned some very hard lessons, the kind of lessons you typically ignore until you are faced with the reality of how precious and short life really is. In addition to a whole new perspective, I'm physically a different person. No, I'm not talking about these new c-cups I have! Physically I don't have the stamina I used to have. I tire easily, I still get spells of nausea and my body feels like I'm an 80 year old woman where every movement causes aches and pains in my joints and muscles. I have no idea how long these side effects will last, but I do know I need to try to slowly acclimate myself back into work at some point, and I put a date on that for June 3rd. Ironically June 3rd not only marks my first day back to work, but it is also the day I was brought into this world many years ago, as well as marks 6 months to the day when I was diagnosed with breast cancer (December 3, 2012). June 3rd will be a very remarkable day this year!
Besides mentally preparing myself for work, I've been slowly pushing my body to take on "challenges" it hasn't done since the surgery. I've grocery shopped, I've gone to the beach, I've put air in my tires, I've cooked dinner for my husband. These may seem like standard activities, but they are things I haven't done for 6 months and are now monumental events for me! I definitely cherish the reality that I am slowly building the strength to do them now.
I also had my first "post-chemo" appointment with my Oncologist yesterday. Starting tomorrow I will begin taking a drug called Tamoxifen, who's job is to block any remaining cancer cells in my body from growing. I'm still perplexed that currently there is no way to confirm whether any cancer cells remain in my body. After a double mastectomy and 4 rounds of chemotherapy you'd think there would be a test to confirm those major procedures did what they were supposed to do. Unfortunately there currently isn't a test, and by taking Tamoxifen I lower my chances of the breast cancer metastasizing by 33%.
So that's where I am. Monday begins my new normal, and with that I plan to "live for today and be positive for the future." - a quote I'm stealing from the amazing breast cancer survivor Betsey Johnson. Feel free to take it as your own, and live up to it. I certainly plan to!
Nicole! I've been so distracted with my own journey this month and neglected to check in on you... So sorry. So happy to hear you are done with chemo and that you get to focus on putting yourself back together now. My advice is to take it reeeeeaaaaallly slow and be gentle with yourself. The improvement and energy return are not always linear. I found I would have a great day and feel like "I'm back!" Followed by two days of sheer exhaustion because I overdid it in my euphoric state. When i complained about this, my Onc. said that stamina is the last thing to come back.. I concur. And the challenge post treatment is slightly physical but more mental/emotional... Your doc is right about the PTSD. I'm always a phone call away if you want a listening ear. I'm rooting for you and am so impressed by your outlook and strength.
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