Hi, my name is Nicole, and I have breast cancer.

Since November, I can say I've had a lot of "firsts" in my life. My first mammogram, my first breast biopsy, my first diagnosis of cancer, my first time being out of work for more than 2 weeks, my first time (since I can remember at least) of not being 100% self sufficient, my first time of not being in control of a situation (or at least pretending to be). Today I tried another first, something I never thought would be on my list of "firsts", but cancer has seemed to find a way of adding unexpected "firsts" to my list. Today I joined a cancer support group. I italicize joined, because I'm not quite sure I'll be a member yet... but I did take the first step and attended a "Welcome Meeting" and signed up for a "Newly Diagnosed With Breast Cancer" weekly group session.

First, I am so very thankful there are organizations like this out there. That people realize the importance of bringing people together who can share and talk about similar experiences, help each other cope and provide personal stories or sounding boards for going through a life-changing diagnosis like cancer. All groups and meetings are free of charge, and they even have a library of books where people can check-out via "honor system" and dive into research, statistics, stories and more from others who are experts or are going through whatever form of cancer they may have. They've partnered with gyms like Spectrum where I can take free Zumba classes (yay!) and at their own facility they have yoga, meditation, tai chi and other classes that I may test out when my body is ready.

All that said, the place is in dire need of a face lift! I guess I can't complain when everything there is likely donated or provided via the wonderful angels of the world who give money to support non-profits like these. But I definitely felt like I took a time machine back to the 1970's when shag carpets were big and olive green upholstery was the "in" color of the season. I had to force myself with all self restraint to not lose myself in a laughing fit when they turned on the "welcome" DVD and a lady, Farrah Fawcett haircut and all, started speaking in the softest of tones with cheesy public domain elevator music playing in the background. After she spoke about how we all deal with these difficult times differently and that she helped start this community to support those with cancer, the director proceeded to interview others from the 1970's who either looked like they were 70 years old or were on their death beds. Now, come on! Do you really think we want to see people who look like hell and listen to people who are talking to us like we're babies? Time to update this welcome video! Working in the Entertainment Industry, perhaps there's a filmmaker or even upcoming film student reading this who can take a whack at it! I can help write the script, and it probably would start like this... "OK, you have cancer. Scream it out loud, tell it you hate it, imagine yourself killing those ugly little cells, cry if you need to, take the time to grieve, and now get into action and start learning everything you can about what you've been diagnosed with so you can kick this in the ass!" Then I'd find people, young and old (from our current decade), to interview and tell stories about how this community has helped them, survivors included!

All said, we'll see how the actual "support group" session goes. I'm not giving up, I'll try it and see if it's for me. I'm looking forward to meeting others who have breast cancer, and I'm curious to hear their stories. If it's not for me, then I'll keep looking for other ways!

Speaking of therapy, I have my second physical therapy appointment today. This is one form of therapy I absolutely love. I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to feel a little more mobile and not be scared to lift my arm too high or to reach over to my bedside table to grab a glass of water without needing the help of Jon. I've been doing my daily exercises with full enthusiasm, and I feel like I'm getting more flexible each day. I also have to say I've missed that "good pain" you get when you've exerted your muscles to their maximum. Although when the therapist stretches me, it definitely hurts, I welcome that hurt as I've missed it. Laying in bed all day after being a regular spin addict has not been an easy thing for me to do. I also think, given my personality, physical therapy helps me get one more step closer to complete control of myself. It hasn't been easy for me to rely on others (although I have done so, and have very much welcomed it and am thankful for it!). I feel like it's helping me take small steps towards controlling my body and my ability to be completely self sufficient again.

Therapy aside, the upcoming week is a big one. I'm excited to start my wig shopping tomorrow as I will be tentatively starting Chemotherapy on Thursday. I am scheduled to see my Plastic Surgeon on Tuesday where she can confirm whether I am fully healed so I can start on Thursday. If not, we'll have to push it out one week. Chemotherapy starts a whole new phase in my treatment. I walked out of my Chemo Lesson this week completely overwhelmed with new information, prescriptions, side effects and a very long "to-do" list of things I need to get done before or during. I have no idea how I'll feel, but between the steroids they pump me up with before/after, the drugs they'll drip into my IV to kill "fast growing cells", and the shot I take the next day to avoid white blood cell drop, I know my body is about to go into the next stage of war against cancer. I'm ready for it, as I always promised, I'll kick this cancers ass and I'm moving on to phase 2 of doing just that!