Day 19

It's official, the day is here. It's day 19 from my first chemo, a day that I'll always remember. Just like December 3 2012 - the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer, January 11 2013 - the day I underwent a double M and January 31 2013 - the day I had a second surgery due to my skin not healing... March 18 2013 (aka Day 19) will be etched into my memory as the day I finally shaved my head. Tonight Jon will take me to the local Supercuts down the street to shave both of our heads.

Although it may seem sudden, it's been a long week of anticipation. It started last Tuesday night when I lay on the couch and started to feel this odd tingling in my scalp. My head was sensitive, and I swear I could feel each strand of hair slowly letting go of it's desperate grasp of my scalp. That was the night it really sank in, that I knew in my heart that I was going to lose my hair, and that it was going to be very soon. I cried myself to sleep that night. Sure enough, the next morning I woke up to strands of hair on my pillow. I softly stroked my head and 10 or so strands came out. I tried it again, and 10 came out again. OK, this was happening, I had felt it the night before. The next morning I woke up and there was more hair on my pillow. Same routine, this time 20 or so strands came out. And besides a sensitivity to my head, my actual scalp hurt. It felt like I had worn a pony tail all day and my hair was aching from being pulled too tight for too long. That night my sister arrived in LA to visit me for the weekend as Jon was heading out to spring training in AZ for a much needed weekend of no responsibilities. I forewarned him I may be bald when he came home, and made him promise me he'd still love me (silly me, I guess I just needed to hear him say it). On Friday (day 16), after pulling out clumps of hair while showering, I decided it was time for a cut. The emotional toll of having a hand-full of hair in my hands when I shampooed was just too much to deal with. With the support and courage of my big sis, we went down to Supercuts, propped open my latest People magazine to a shot of Anne Hathaway on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, and told the stylist to chop it off and make me look like doe-eyed Hathaway (OK, perhaps a stretch)! Why Supercuts? Because who wants to spend big bucks on a cut that would only last a few days! And I have to say, she did a pretty good job. I walked out with my very first pixie cut. My sister and I laughed when we both recalled the last time I had a short haircut. I was probably around 5 years old and was adamant to get the "Dorthy Hamill haircut". My mom and sister took me to get it chopped off. Back then I think my Mom was more upset about my short hair than I was!

So this weekend I've been able to enjoy a very short trial of "Pixie Niki". I think it's done a lot for my mental health, preparing me for tonight. I've had a weekend to absorb the shock of waking up and looking in the mirror to a short haired me. The hair loss continues to progress quickly - each light stroke of my hair results in hand-fulls of hair. Who knows how much, I can no longer count. I've been walking around the house with a lint brush, as I leave a trail of hair every step I take. Funny enough, I now sympathize with my dogs for their tri-annual shed-a-thon and have promised to not get irritated with them anymore, and to be more gentle with them as I brush out their shedding hair!

I've decided tonight is the night for a few reasons. First, my hair keeps falling off into the back of my shirt and it's itching me like crazy. Second, I prefer to not have to sweep up layers of hair off of the floor. As it is, I see hair on each step of my stairs and every chair in my house! Third, Thursday is Chemo day and I'm preparing for another week of feeling yucky with body aches and not having the strength to leave the house. I don't want to layer the yuckiness of my hair falling out on top of Chemo, so I need to do it before then. And last... I'm ready. I'm strong enough and it's time. I'll be fine. It's just hair after all, and it grows back (hopefully with some waves)!

The good news to all of this? The Chemo is working and I finally have proof! Again words of wisdom told to me by my wonderful husband who continues to help me see the positive. It's so very true, and has helped significantly in my coping. I actually think that if I didn't lose my hair, I might be a little worried that the Chemo wasn't strong enough!

Speaking of Chemo and physical appearances, last week I was able to enjoy a free class provided by the American Cancer Society called Look Good Feel Better. It's mission is to improve the self-esteem of cancer fighters by providing free make-up and hair styling classes. Not that I need another reason to justify my shopping habits, but why not... it makes me feel better! So my sister and I made the trek to the mall this weekend and I purchased a pretty rockin' Chemo outfit for this Thursday. I figure if I'm going to have to do it, I might as well do it in style (and comfort). And guess what? My pink "Suki" wig is going to look amazing with the outfit. So although I'm not looking forward to Chemo, I am looking forward to accessorizing my new bald head to match my new awesome outfit. I'll be sure to snap a photo and post it. Think "Flash Dance" meets "Harajuku Girl"!

Last, I leave you with a photo of me getting my hair cut this weekend, as well as the very brief pixie cut I rocked this weekend. And in a few short days I look forward to telling you I'm 50% done!