My IWBF Network

I begin this post at a loss for words on how to express the deep gratitude I feel for all my family and friends who have shown me the outpouring of love I've received over the last few weeks. I've never felt alone, I've never felt abandoned. I've only felt encouragement, support, friendship and love, in ways I hope to return one day when you need it. The text "hugs", the phone check-ins, the e-mails... they mean so much and help me get through the day. Sitting with me in waiting rooms, giving me advice on doctors, connecting me with friends/family who are experts or have gone through similar experiences - it's a generosity that I am so thankful for. When I put myself on the other side, I'm not sure I would have realized the impact these gestures would have on others. I tell you now, they mean the world to me. They are fueling my strength and keeping my spirits high.

Yesterday was a great day for me. I finally have a surgery date. On January 11th I will get a double mastectomy, sentinel lymph node mapping (they remove the first lymph nodes that are closest to my breasts to detect for any cancer spread) and breast reconstruction with tissue expanders put into place. The surgery is expected to take between 6-8 hours, and I look forward to waking up cancer-free. I know it's only the first step in this journey, but it's a major one and I'm restless to get it done. Besides the great news of finally having a date I can plan to, it also acted like a gust of oxygen that lit the fire back in me. Happy to finally have some action items, I've booked solid my next 3 weeks. I've scheduled dental fillings, eye exams and pre-op consultations (the first which I cannot do if I need to start chemotherapy, so I need to squeeze it in now). I've started planning for being out of the office for what could be up to 6 weeks. In all of this, I've also realized how important goals and timelines are for me. As busy as I am, I realize I don't know how not to be. I become paralyzed when I loose control of the situation, when I can't contribute to the next steps. I know this is an "area of development" that will challenge me through this experience. I anticipate a lot of "waiting" and "trusting" that I will have to acquiesce to down the road. Let me give you fair warning now, I have no idea what other personalities are hiding in me that 6 weeks of inactivity may bring out!

After a mad rush of scheduling and prepping, I figured my day couldn't get any better.  But as soon as I walked into the house, Jon rushed me back out the door to meet up with our friends before we all left for the Holidays. I was excited to share the news of my surgery date and catch up before we parted ways. After an hour of catching up (and playing a crazy trivia game at the bar, sans alcohol for me), my friends presented me with something that still brings tears to my eyes. The amount of love that went into this makes me feel so fortunate and blessed. Apparently my friends have been planning something behind my back for the past 2 weeks since they learned about my diagnosis. They took it upon themselves to create a "movement", a "support group", that would champion to be by my side every step of this journey. They created a beautiful logo from the title of this blog and made hundreds of t-shirts emblazoned with the design. They all promised to proudly wear the shirt in support of me, and presented me with more to share with my family, friends and co-workers. They are finding sponsors to create addtional runs, with the goal to donate proceeds to a breast cancer organization who will build the awareness of this horrible epidemic and educate women about prevention and early detection.

To tell you how much this means to me, again I can't even express it in words.

Thank you friends. You are my strength.  I will be fierce!



Me after getting presented with my t-shirt.



The t-shirt design. I WILL BE FIERCE.