Chemo Birthday All-In-One

Today marks my third chemo infusion. But more importantly today also marks the wonderful day that my beautiful soulmate was brought into this world. Happy happy birthday Jon. I love you more each and every day and I'm so very blessed we found each other. You have been my rock, my shoulder, my nurse, my inspiration, my cook, my playmate, my best friend...my everything. Who knew those vows we made 10 years ago "for better or worse" would really get tested to the extreme. You have certainly proven to me that you took those vows to heart and I can't thank you enough for that. I only hope you feel my gratitude and love for you in your heart. Exactly one year ago from today on your birthday we had the crazy experience of spending your birthday in the hospital as well. You had appendicitis and required an emergency appendectomy. I can only imagine the stress I've put on you these past 6 months based on how worried I felt one year ago. Here's a birthday wish to no more birthdays spent in hospitals. It's one tradition I don't want to keep!

For the rest of you, I'm hanging in there. The fatigue from this past round of chemo definitely seemed to last longer. Not until this weekend did I feel like I had around 75% of my energy back. And as many doctors and chemo patients share, once you start feeling better you go back to chemo to start the cycle again. Today will mark that new cycle for me. I'm also in a new hospital. My oncologist moved to City of Hope in Duarte. So we went from a 10 minute drive to a hour and a half drive. I was rather upset when I learned the news, but I love my Oncologist so much I felt he was worth the commute. Plus City of Hope is such a prestigious hospital for cancer, they will likely be on top of the latest research and treatments for me. Our day started at 7:15 am when we left to get here for 8:50 labs and a 10 am doctor appointment. We're relaxing in a little atrium until my 1:30 infusion. Tomorrow we'll have to come back for my hydration drip and Neulasta shot.

Other than that, I got 90 more cc's of saline in my tissue expanders. I think I've hit the size I'll likely go with permanently. My third surgery for implants is tentatively scheduled for the top of June, although my Oncologist is asking to push it back a little to give my body a rest from the chemo.

How else am I doing? Oddly I'm starting to get a bit anxious and stressed about being done. I know that's the strangest thing to say, but all I can say is that this experience has changed me so much and I know I will never be done with it. I will always be more paranoid about it coming back, I will always be second guessing little aches, bumps, bruises and pains. I also hear (and appreciate) all the enthusiasm from my family and friends (and myself!) that I'm almost done. But while it makes me happy, it also scares me because I worry people will expect me to be "back to normal" and I honestly don't know what my normal will be anymore. I hear stories of women who suffer through depression after chemo which doesn't surprise me the closer I get. It's like I've been so focused on the next step of killing the cancer, the thought of no longer having weekly doc appointments and check-ups, which keeps me tactically on top of fighting this disease, is a new and scary feeling for me. I also know that the chemo side effects will last up to years, perhaps life, and I need to make sure I remember that and don't get frustrated with myself.

Enough of emotional turmoil. For today I celebrate my wonderful husband as well as my third treatment (and second to last) chemo.

Love and health to all of you.

Here's a pic of Jon and I (sporting a long brown wig!)