Every road has its bumps

No matter how meticulous and detailed a plan can be, it seems real life always has it's way of throwing a curve ball. As last reported, I've been diligently following all medical directions. Staying in bed 24 hours a day, limiting activity to basically nothing (I maxed out at around 15 trips up and down the stairs in the last 2 weeks - not an easy thing for someone like me who is rather active and likes to take note of what is happening downstairs!), taking all medications when prescribed, practicing 10 deep breaths through this crazy inhaler several times a day to increase my lung capacity, sleeping face-up wedged between 2 pillows to ensure I don't move an inch. Thanks to my nurses (hubby, sis and mom), my schedule has been consistent and disciplined, all ensuring a smooth road to recovery. Then just when I think I'm progressing, this little thing called real life, wedges it's way into my road, creating unexpected bumps, turns, and forks (just like Robert Frost promised) that I have no choice but to face head on.

I have no doubt this will not be the first of these bumps, but yesterday I got the news that I will have to undergo a second surgery this week. I've been crossing my fingers not to have to do this, but in the end I know it could be a lot worse, and I will go into this with optimism and strength knowing that this will get me to the next phase. The news is that the blood flow is just not making it's way into the skin and nipples as I need it to. Although my Surgeon was able to perform a nipple sparing double mastectomy because there was no sign of cancer cells in the nipple area, unfortunately since I have such short pectoral muscles, the amount of stitching wasn't enough to save the left nipple. Additionally the skin below both nipples isn't getting the much needed blood flow required to keep it alive. The good news is with the r&r I allowed myself, and through the dedicated attention of my nurses, I got to a place where I have enough alive skin to keep the surgery minimal. I won't need to remove muscle from my back to use inside the breast. Instead, the surgery is going to basically take skin from right below my breasts and on the sides of my breasts and stretch it over both breasts in order to cover the areas where the skin is not surviving. My Plastic Surgeon will also clean out all the dead skin and remove anything that's not surviving. The surgery is expected to last around 2 hours, and is outpatient so I will have the wonderful comfort of crawling into my cozy bed after it's done. I'm still waiting on whether it will happen on Thursday or Friday, but they want to get it scheduled soon in order to allow enough healing time post-surgery so I can begin Chemotherapy in the 4-6 week post-first-op time period that's recommended (this, all assuming I need Chemotherapy, which I was scheduled to find out on Friday, but may now need to be postponed due to my impending surgery).

The news yesterday was delivered after a pretty crazy visit to the Plastic Surgeon. I'm sure Jon can provide a much more detailed description of what was performed in front of his very eyes, but in order for the Plastic Surgeon to see how much of my nipple was alive, she basically executed a careful circumcision of my nipple. I only know what I could hear, and my blood pressure sky rocketed when she told Jon he may not want to look at what she was about to do. I immediately started berating myself for not taking a Valium prior to the visit! Similar to my biopsy story, the worst part of these past couple months has all taken place in my head. It's not the actual events, the physical pain, the shots, the IV's, the constant pricking of blood draws, etc... it's been my imagination! When I saw her holding tweezers and a small pair of surgical scissors, I prayed she was simply cutting gauze and tape off of me. But I knew in my heart the snipping sound was not gauze. So I took deep breaths and tried to calm my mind, sending it to Hawaii... where I was swinging in a hammock next to a white sand beach with waves slowly crashing onto the shoreline. Jon has since told me the details, and believe me, I'm not looking forward to taking the bandages off to see the results.

After the visit, you will be happy to hear I did reward myself with a good old fashioned McDonald's cheeseburger and french fries. After my Plastic Surgeon was pulling around on my skin trying to see if I had enough of it to cover the dead skin she'd be removing, I started regretting not eating more! If you know me and my religious dedication to spinning and rather vain concerns about getting fat during Chemotherapy, I'm sure you'll laugh at the fact that I am now trying to find a way to fatten myself up in the next couple days so I have plenty of skin for her to use.

So that's the latest. Although perhaps not the "textbook" next step I was hoping for, real life just doesn't seem to work that way.

I close this post with a link to a fun page that my friends have created that is curating all the Instagram shots my supporters are taking of themselves wearing the IWBF tees. I'm trying to find a way to fix this on the right side of the blog so there's a continuous loop of pics, but as I'm not a programmer, you'll have to wait until I get some help from my wonderful technical friends. If you'd like to add a photo of yourself (which I'd personally LOVE!), simply add #iwillbefierce to your Instagram upload and it should make it's way onto the page. Come on sexy ladies and gentlemen, show us how fierce you are!

Check Out The IWBF Instagram Pictures!

Love to you...