Out With The Old, In With The New

As I was conducting my much needed annual purge of unused t-shirts, jeans, dresses and shoes this past weekend, I laughed to myself as I thought how this traditional New Year’s saying has never been more appropriate. I’m ready to kick out this old nasty cancer and welcome in a nice new pair of healthy boobs. 2013, bring it on, I’m ready!

I’m on a 10-day countdown to 1-11-2013 when I undergo surgery to remove the cancer and simultaneously go through phase 1 reconstruction of new breasts. To say I’m anxious is an understatement. I wish I didn’t have this long drawn out time to think, analyze, worry and scare myself about everything. My mind won’t stop racing with anxiety about the surgery itself, thoughts on my prognosis post-surgery, questions about future treatment plans… basically my future life. It’s driving me crazy. To keep my mind focused on the positive, I’ve been burying myself in a new kind of research… BOOBS! Yes, I get to go shopping for a new pair of knockers, and I seem to have the full attention of my husband who although has always been supportive of my rather obsessive shopping habit, has never seemed to have much of an opinion in helping me select purchases until now! While watching TV and movies over the holidays, reading cheesy gossip magazines about Kim Kardashian's latest pregnancy, and celebrating New Years Eve in Hollywood with our friends, we've both been paying extra special attention to cleavage size and curves. Jennifer Aniston or Megan Fox boobs? A Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Brandi or Taylor rack? The red head in the corner or blonde girl on the dance floor jugs? The good news is I’ll actually get a chance to “sample” my purchase before making a decision. I know this has a lot of you scratching your heads wondering what I’m talking about, which leads me to the fascinating breakdown of what exactly is going to happen on 1-11 under the special care of my network of hand selected Surgeons.    

Before I begin, I make full disclaimer that I am not a doctor and everything I write is based on my own understanding and interpretations. If you are a doctor, are in medical school, or have gone through this yourself, I apologize if I am getting a detail or two mixed up. I am only basing this on my extensive 1-month Cancer College degree (which is actually almost 1-month on-the-dot, my diagnosis was on Dec 3^rd)!

So here’s the breakdown. The first 2-3 hours of the surgery will be 100% dedicated to removing the cancer. The first step in this process is called a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy where the doctors inject dye into my breasts to help identify where my sentinel lymph nodes are. Once detected (apparently these odd shape puppies are not easy to find, thus the need for the dye), they remove them and send them to Pathology where they are immediately tested to see if cancer has spread to them. At that point a decision will be made if other nodes will need to be removed. While this is happening, my Surgeon will go in and remove my entire left and right breasts (double mastectomy). This involves removing the glands that produce breast milk, the ducts that carry breast milk to the nipples (specifically where my cancer has formed) and all the tissue and fat that surround those 2 parts (which are basically the sole medical purpose of breasts, note emphasis on “medical”)! She will also conduct a biopsy of my nipple by slicing off a small part from the backside. Pathology will run an on-site test to see if there is any cancer in it, and if not I’ll be able to save my nipples (nipple sparing double mastectomy). Once all this is done, the doctors send the tumor out for a full Oncotest to better understand my cancer, my treatment, my stage, etc, etc. From there it’s another 1-2 week wait before I learn the results.

Now onto part 2. After the Breast Surgeon is done removing the cancer, the Plastic Surgeon is on deck. Her job will be to insert “tissue expanders” under my chest muscle, make me look pretty, and sew me back up (although not as simple as I make it sound – it’s a 4 hour process). Tissue expanders are these crazy implant shaped devices that help to stretch my muscle and skin to make room for future implants. At the time of surgery they fill the expanders will a small amount of saline. After surgery I will visit the Plastic Surgeon every week to get a little more saline added in. Here’s where I get to “try on” my size. I’ll be progressing through the alphabet of bra sizes over the course of weeks! Once I lock in on a size, I’ll wait at least 3 months with the expanders in before I go in for a second surgery to get the expanders removed and the implants put into place. Chemotherapy or radiation will also be a factor, as I can’t be undergoing either during the second surgery. Hopefully that’s the last phase, although pending the outcome of my nipple, there’s a chance I will need to get nipples tattooed on during a third surgery.

So that’s it! Still a lot of unknowns, but I’m on my way to getting answers. I've already told Jon that the first 2 questions I will ask when I wake up from surgery are… “Did the cancer spread to my lymph nodes?” and “Do I still have my nipples?”! What a difference a month makes, I'm sure he never thought he'd miss answering... "Do these jeans make me look fat?"!

To help with the recovery, I’ll be shacked up at “Serenity” for 2 nights after the surgery. Apparently this is "recovery for the stars" - a hotel-like experience which is supposed to be much better than a hospital. I’m looking forward to the fresh-baked chocolate cookies that my nurse told me they keep in stock!

Closing up, I'd like to raise a glass to a very happy and healthy 2013. Celebrate each and every day. 

Love to all of you.

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